Tag Archives: om-nom

The Supreme Chicken

In case I haven’t mentioned it before, I’m quite fond of grilling.  About a month or so ago, my brother was visiting, so it was a prime opportunity to break out my grill and cook tasty animals.  Now, I’m pretty decent when it comes to grilling, but I admittedly have quite a bit to learn.  Unfortunately, I don’t grill as often as I want to.  Mostly because I always want to grill, I cook a lot of food when I want to grill, and overeating will make me fat again.  Since no one likes fat André and I’m not prepared to cook less food when grilling, I have to limit how often I break out the grill.  So my point is this: I don’t have a lot of opportunities to perfect my craft (and yes, grilling is my craft).

So after an afternoon in front of the grill, I have a tray full of chicken drumsticks, hamburgers, and hot dogs for my brother and I to devour.  I bite into one of my drumsticks and I’m dumbfounded.  It’s not just good, it’s great!  It’s without a doubt the best chicken I’ve grilled.  But wait!  This could all just be in my head, or I could have only just cooked that one drumstick extremely well.  Luckily, my brother was there to try another one, and there was agreement: this chicken was, as people said in the 90s, the bomb.  So what did I do differently?  I’m not exactly sure, but I have been able to reproduce it.  So I have a decent idea of what I need to do, but a poor idea of why what I’m doing works…and that bugs me!  So that’s one of my goals for the summer: to figure out the secret of the amazing chicken.

The Om-Est of the Noms

This isn't even my final form!

It’s a surprisingly warm Saturday in March, which means it’s a good day for grilling.  As you can imagine, I’ve been excited about this all week long.  This has been the high point of my week, which might say a lot about the current state of my life…but that’s besides the point.  My point is that I’m going to put several pounds of grilled meat into my mouth over the course of 30 hours.  At some point this week, the part of me that enjoys no longer being fat asked the part of me that likes eating the following question: “How much weight will I gain from all this gluttonous activity?”

So I did the math (I did the monster math) and found out that I’d be consuming almost 8000 calories.  Given that I burn about 4200 calories over two days just from not being dead, I end up with a ~3800 calorie surplus, which results in gaining 1 lb of fat.  And this is just from grilled meat and the appropriate side dishes.  Of course, ~3800 this is an upper-bound.  I didn’t take into consideration things like how much fat will drip off of my burgers while on the grill.  Regardless, it’s still a lot of calories.  The part of me that would like to continue not being fat thinks I should think of ways to bring that number down (e.g., use leaner beef for my burgers); however, the point of BBQing is to eat tasty food until you’re so full, you regret every decision leading up to you being in that state.

Oh, and by the way, I’ve been stuck on week 3 on my journey to 100 pushups for the past 2 weeks.  I guess I shall never be swole.  And yet, I still refuse to give up.  I guess that’s just my ninja way.